Running In Fog

Mar 7, 201301:09 PM

Running In Fog: HeartLand Boating Humor

Melanie's First Date

(page 2 of 2)

“What could be worse than sharks? Did your date have bad breath or something?”

“Ha, ha. No. Just as the sharks were starting to circle the boat, my date told me not to move. He said to sit perfectly still, to absolutely freeze…do not move a muscle, do not turn around.”

“I thought you said it was a fun day on the water. What was behind you? Moby Dick?”

“He got up and carefully made his way to the back of the boat. He took an emergency oar with him.”

“Did the engine conk out? Was it on fire?”

“Nope. Engine was fine. Water moccasin.”

“No way.”

“Oh yeah. So, now I had a really interesting choice. Stay in the boat and maybe get bitten by a poisonous snake or jump overboard and get devoured by sharks.”

“And you chose….”

“Well, I was trying to figure out how much the sharks would be able to bite off. You know, in order to properly weigh my options.”

“How many sharks?”

“Five, I think.”

“Five sharks versus one snake?”

“I REALLY hate snakes. Sharks aren’t poisonous. And maybe they weren’t hungry.”

By this time, I was staring at her in disbelief. Sharks versus a snake. That’s a really bad place to be. “It sounds like the sharks would have been sudden death.”

“I was thinking the snake was sudden death. We weren’t very far from shore. I was a pretty fast swimmer. I thought maybe I’d have a chance.”

“Okayyyyy.” Who thinks they can honestly outswim a shark? “It is a tough choice there, Melanie. Obviously, you have all of your arms and legs. So, you chose the snake?”

“In a fit of super-human heroics, my date somehow got the oar under the snake and flipped it overboard. Then, it really was sharks versus snake. I didn’t watch the outcome. I just started screaming.”

“And the date? What happened to him?”

“First date and last date. If I go on a date only to be confronted by a bunch of sharks and a poisonous snake, that seems to be a pretty big sign that I’m not in the right place nor with the right person.”

“Ms. McDanolds, your car is ready.”

“Huh? Oh, thanks.”

I said goodbye to Melanie, paid for my car and left. When I turned on the radio, Jimmy Buffett was on…and visions of sharks swam through my head.

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About This Blog

Pam McDanolds has been writing "Running In Fog," a humorous look at our favorite pastime, since 2007. In her family are two kids, a black lab named Captain Nemo, a powerboat and a sailboat. Illustrations by John R. "Jack" Cassady.

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